Hello readers, welcome to another episode of single and smart ladies.
In this article we would be discussing ways of overcoming fear of commitment.
Fear of commitment is a weakness common among the majority of
young and single women. Commitment sounds to them like a prison and there are a lot of reasons for this. However, to be single and smart, you have to be a committed woman. Nothing could be more frustrating in a relationship than a lack of commitment. Regardless of what type of
relationship, lack of commitment is a major weakness most women face. Lack of commitment whether an intimate relationship or not, is usually very fatal, whether immediately or aftermath. With a lot of very young and single women thinking they can eat their cakes and have them again, the realities
are often here with us, especially for those whose nights come when they least expect it.
Due to lack of commitment in a relationship, many women have ruined their careers and many have ended their own lives. Newspapers are filled with these shreds of evidence. Just pick one and you will find it. However, over the years, the author has made both active and passive researches on why people find it difficult to be committed to their relationships, perhaps a single
relationship; he discovered the twelve major causes to be the following:
1. Lack of Self-discovery And Development
Self-discovery and development are significant, the most vital part of which is self-dependence and control. Many young women go into a relationship because they feel they need other people to assure them of who they are; thus their self-esteem is dependent on being in a relationship with someone.
This sort of thing is the reason why many women cheat on their partners.
Any well-developed single woman understands that her entire life does not depend on a relationship with someone; the undeveloped ones do not. Once they break-up in a relationship, they rush into another one without checking
the reason why the initial one broke up and work on it. Most of these types of women also cheat if their partners stay away from them for a long time because they are easily emotionally connected to any man that comes around and seem to make them feel good about themselves. They have no self-esteem; they live empty praises or flatter.
2. Lack of Idea What One Wants From A Relationship
A lot of young women go into relationships without knowing exactly what they want from them; this is why they find it hard to commit. They have doubts that
staying committed might be detrimental, especially when they find who they want. “She, who stands for nothing, falls for everything”. This is what happens
to women who go into relationships without an idea of what they want from it or do not have in mind the type of partner they want. Perhaps this is a major cause of failure in other works of life in the form of “Lack of definite purpose”.
3. Setting Unrealistic Relationship Goals
Many young and single women live in the dream, trying to bring to life the perfect situations they saw in movies. They see what Love Heroes do in movies and set their minds on having such men, they forget those even the actors in those films do not have such perfect life portrayed in the movies. They want that tall, handsome, rich, cool, in a nutshell, a man who has all the qualities and can die for them regardless of how many times they hurt him or
reject him and by the time the reality catches up with them, most of them are old and out of vogue. This also leaves them jumping from one man to another, finding it hard to accept one man for who he is, despite they might love him
4. Willingness To Get Without Giving
Another major cause of lack of commitment in a relationship is the fact that many people go into a relationship for what they want only, forgetting that it is about two people and that their partners also have expectations of them,
which they must fulfill if the relationship must last or end well. Such people get into relationships, expecting their partners to worship them, without them giving anything in return or being able to measure what they get with what they are willing to give if at all they are willing to give.
Generally, unwillingness to give prevents a lot of people from staying committed to a relationship, not because they don’t have, but because they are unwilling to give. This means they may never brand themselves consciously or otherwise for relationships.
5. Early Exposure To Sex
This is a key cause of a lack of commitment in many intimate relationships.
Some people are exposed to sex when they were not able to control it, perhaps know the essence of it. Sometimes it could be as a result of abuse. Most of them start having sexual intercourse and have more than one sex partner between the ages of 11 to 17.
Once sex is experienced at this age, it is usually very difficult to stop until one is passed teenage or in late teenage, depending on influences. This makes a
lot of people find it hard to stay committed sexually, even if they want to. They sometimes go into trading sex and end up believing sex is not a major factor when it comes to commitment in an intimate relationship. They often have lovers, even if they are into sex trading. If you suffer from this, please get help.
6. Influence of Peer Pressure & Superstitions
Some single women are made to believe in the superstition that having only one partner and staying committed is a weakness. Some of them believe staying committed to a man, especially if he does not fit into their so-called class, based on wealth, good looks, or whatever they measure it with is a major weakness. All are but superstitions.
7. Lust for Money & Material Rewards
This perhaps is common among young and single women, who usually choose to trade their bodies for monetary and other material rewards ahead of staying committed to someone they love and miss out on them. These
types of ladies do all it takes to kill the feelings they have for the men who cannot offer them these rewards and even if they stay, they are not usually committed; they play smart by cheating and preventing him from knowing. Some women can’t just leave the money and bragging right for their partners,
most times they use the money to benefit the one they love, hereby having two or more relationships they are uncommitted and faithful to.
8. Inordinate Self-esteem
Inordinate self-esteem, whether in the form of inferiority or superiority
complex, makes most women lose their commitment to relationships and subsequently begin to cheat on their partners. Superiority complex as one of the causes of lack of commitment in relationships is common among women that are richer or older than their partners; they often feel that their partners, due to lack of money or a young age have no say over them. They feel they can do anything and get away with it, yet still keep their partner, who they feel has no choice than to accept them even if he finds out. This also happens in a situation where the lady’s family is richer and is responsible for the man’s upkeep. The lady in this type of relationship, who has a lot of suitors willing to do anything to have her, is tempted to be
uncommitted or where a woman is a breadwinner in the relationship or a family.
9. Lack of faith
It seems gone are those days when women have faith and commitment to working on their relationships until things begin to make sense for their partners. A lot of people see this happen, but may not be able to tell why it is now common that most women do not keep faith with a man who is not particularly well to do financially. They want made-men that can take care of them. It is not a bad thing to want, but with that state of mind, most women have been unable to keep up if there is a downturn in fortune for their partners. They walk away from them as long as things no longer go smoothly. This root cause of it is lack of faith, both in their partner and in themselves; they cannot give what they do not have, thus their commitment is often called
10.Fear of Patriarchy
A lot of women are victims of their environmental influences, the chief of which of course is stereotype view of patriarchy. The single women that subscribe to this fear are often feminists who live in fear of patriarchy and play their fears out in opposition to the male gender. Some of these people have been victims of domestic or sexual abuse and come to believe that their lives are not safe with any man.
They believe that patriarchy is overrated and they were right, but they were wrong to believe that all men are the same. This makes them find it so hard to commit to any relationship. Most of them become lesbians in the process,
while many others remain single, because even if they get into relationships. Inability to commit, to avoid being taken for granted or maltreated often ends the relationships, almost as quickly as they started.
11.Unwillingness To Stop Gaining Attention
Perhaps this should come at the top of the list. It is a major reason why celebrities never admit they are dating anyone; they feel such admission will reduce their fans, especially the opposite sex, that usually give them uncontrolled attention while nursing the hope to be their lovers. Truly, women
tend to lose more admirers once they made it known they are committed to a relationship, especially once they get married, but the truth is that most of this
attention is not beneficial. They are just what they are; you can get attention for the rest of your life yet not be able to attract a real man for the right relationship.
Men respect women that are committed to a relationship and even though they may out of respect for your status and avoid asking you out, they admire
and respect you more than when you are single. To be single and smart, you must understand that in your prime, if you have the right personal branding, you will attract more men whether you are dating someone or you are single.
So if attention is all you want, you can still get it for what it is, even when you are committed to someone. However, if the cravings for attention prevent you from staying committed to a man, the same attention may ruin you.
Whether or not you like it, as you age, attention from men is most likely to reduce, but if at a certain age you haven’t settled down, it becomes even more difficult. This is why is good to stay committed when the attention keeps
coming because it won’t be there forever. In your prime, you are a superstar and with the right carriage, you will get all the attention needed, but if you do
not determine the type of attention you get, you will be ruined by it. You might not like their suitors, but they like to keep them coming.
12.Fear of Loss of Love of someone
This was listed as one of the six basic fears by Napoleon Hill in chapter 15 of his famous book, “Think and Grow Rich”. Fear of loss of love of someone does a lot of damage to people in a relationship already, but not only that, it prevents them from getting into relationships and staying committed. The anticipation of an eventual breakup after they may have fallen in love prevents the majority of women from getting into a relationship. It does not occur to them that they have no power over tomorrow and cannot control the activities of another. The best is to enjoy your relationship now if it does not end the way you want, it brings you a positive lesson, but by not getting into one, you stand no chance of a good outcome or a lesson that will come from the less desired
outcome. If you feel you are still too young to plan for or settle down for any serious relationship between ages 18 or 23, for any of the reasons stated above, you may likely to regret later. This planning is a state of mind, which will affect your carriage and attract to you the right men; it does not necessarily mean you have to get married at such a young age.
Your prime is when you have the highest chance to attract the right man for you, if you miss it in this period, except for grace, you will suffer in subsequent
ages. Many women that once thought they were too young at these ages can now tell you their stories. Most of them lose their husbands and have to settle
for anyone left. This might leave them frustrated for the rest of their lives. Lack of commitment is more detrimental than it is made to look, in any type of relationship at all. It is advisable to understand what it means to stay committed and always be prepared for it. It is not a prison. Don’t even try to
play smart. Once one has reached the age of mental maturity, such as 18 or 19 there is no longer time too early to plan for a relationship that can lead to marriage.